she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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