I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
