A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
