dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
