I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
