He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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