I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
