can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
