cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
