Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
