No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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