I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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