you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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