So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
