Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
