Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
dude i'm inner monologue high
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
