I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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