I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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