I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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