You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
