I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
cat food counts as protein by the way
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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