using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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