Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
