id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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