I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
do herpes really smell.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
