Can i not drive my cunt home
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
