We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
