well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
