Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
