if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
