do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
