I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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