People in love make me want to vomit
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
