i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
