if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
