There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Vodka?
Forever.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
This can only be settled by a dance off.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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