I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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