shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
