Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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