I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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