some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
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