I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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