oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
he fucked my hip out of place.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Watching her eat just hurts me
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
