Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
