i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
