He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
