everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
