From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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