Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
