why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i drank out of a bidet.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
