Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Randomize
