Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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