apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I think we might need a safe word for this...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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