I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
