you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
