we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
