why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
