On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
