You're so nebulous sometimes
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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