i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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