if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
It's just like the Real World with babies
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
