So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
