I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
