what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
