saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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