i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
