just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
