guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
