Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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