Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
