since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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