I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
