I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
