Kiss
Puke
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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