U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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