so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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